Meet the 'Demisexuals' — A Happily Married Mormon Couple Both Attracted to Men

Friday August 14, 2020

Can a man and a woman be happily married when both are attracted to the same sex?

Meet Skyler Sorensen and his wife Amanda, a Utah couple who both share a sexual attraction to men. "But Skyler claims that being gay hasn't gotten in the way of their blissful marriage — or their sex life," says the New York Post.

"'That sexual attraction came from, I mean, trial-and-error and a lot of practice," the 25-year-old told The Post, with his wife, also 25.

The Mormon couple believe in the idea of a "celestial marriage," which asserts "that marriage between a man and a woman is sacred — it is ordained of God." This has led the couple to approach their marriage in a divergent way.

And in doing so, Skyler uses the term — "demisexual" — to describe it, defining it (according to the Post) as "one who develops a sexual attraction after an emotional bond forms, may be a more fitting label for him."

"I don't know if we both fully understand how and why it works, but it definitely does," he said of their sex life.

They were apprehensive about doing the interview with the New York Post, but are happy with the result, as Skyler's tweet says:

The couple met five years ago at a social event sanctioned by the Mormon Church. For the first six months, they were just friends with Amanda admitting that initially "she was naive about Skyler's proclivity for men."

When they addressed the issue, it became a "springboard" for him that despite being attracted to men, he wanted to marry Amanda. "He grew up always knowing that he was never going to be with a guy," Amanda told the Post. "That was always his conviction and his belief and his desire."

She also felt that their emotional connection trumped his sexual attraction. "Skyler is just so kind and sensitive and loving and giving," she explained. "Growing up, he probably thought, like, 'Oh, this makes me different than other guys.' But I love those aspects of him."

To make their marriage work, they turned to a therapist, Dr. Ty Mansfield, attuned to what are known as "mixed-orientation relationships (MOR)." As it turns out, their relationship isn't as uncommon as they thought. "Anywhere from 40 to 60% [of my clients] are navigating sexual or gender-identity questions," he told the Post.

To that end, he and his colleagues conducted a study of Mormon adults, either practicing or defected who experience sexual attractions to same-sex adults. (Their survey is published on "Among other insights, they discovered that MORs are, in fact, viable. About 80% of such respondents reported being generally satisfied with their status — almost double the rate of those who were single and celibate (42%) or single and not celibate (40%)," writes the Post.

"We have our struggles of course, like every marriage, but me being gay hasn't been ... the biggest issue in our marriage," Skyler told the Post. "It's been communication, normal marriage things."

And they have their trials: "Tragically, the couple lost their first son, Milo, who was born at less than 25 weeks and died just 24 days after birth," reports the Post.

Skyler, a film student, planned on making a documentary about his child "because of the unique way he entered the world," he told the Provo, Utah newspaper the Daily Herald.

The final film, "Milo, a Story About Our Son," is about 30 minutes long and is separated into three parts: his birth, his life and his passing.

"As cheesy as it sounds, I felt as though the story was editing itself in front of my eyes," he told the Daily Herald. "I discovered a version of the story that, while condensed, did a great job at showing me what I experienced from a removed perspective. It also served as a eulogy and my 'farewell for now' to my son."

For more about the film, visit this Facebook page.

And by coming forward in such a public way the Sorensens hope to be mentors to other MOR couples.

"We want to just advocate that this is an option, too, if this feels right to you," Amanda told the Post. "It's really a hard journey for men within the church that are gay, or even women as well that are lesbian."

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